Friday, May 2, 2014

Gotta start somewhere

I don't really know how to start this, starting really is the hardest part of everything isn't it.

My name is Jess. I have PCOS. This is my story.

I was getting frustrated with my current way of being. I would try to lose weight and lose about 20 lbs then always end up back to my old habits if not worse. I was just over 300 lbs when I made an appointment with a gynecologist. She was very knowledgeable and kind. Obviously the best way to deal with PCOS is losing weight. The issue with that is, insulin resistance really aids in the the excessive production of testosterone which in turn kicks up the insulin resistance and all this circular junk means losing weight is very hard and gaining weight is very easy.

I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was in middle school. I gained a lot of weight in 6th grade. I was a pretty active kid, I loved playing lacrosse and gave it all I could. I remember my dad and I used to run so I could run a 10 minute mile so I could make the team. I went though tryouts and did a great job, but I didn't make the team. All the work I did and the little bit of weight I had lost as a result was down the toilet. Soon my size 15 pants, pretty much the smallest I ever was after gaining the weight, didn't fit. I basically kept gaining and gaining all thought school and college. I would occasionally try to lose weight but you know how that goes. The next time I tried to lose weight, my mom and I went to curves. I lost 11 lbs and was at 211 and that was as light as I have been. When I went to college I eventually got a membership at Planet Fitness and would go about 3 times a week with my dad. I worked hard but couldn't escape my poor eating habits.

So back to the present: On Saturday I started my prescription of Metformin AND the first phase of Atkins. Big mistake. Metformin is notorious for causing GI issues as a side effect. Atkins induction severely reduces you to 20 net carbs a day.

Saturday was horrible. I had breakfast and took my pill and I was fine. I was laughing and watching some PBS and playing my ukulele. Then as soon as lunchtime came around I started feeling not so good and it got sooo much worse from them. By the time dinner rolled around I couldn't look at or smell food, let alone eat it, without feeling like I was going to vomit. I went to bed at 9 and that was that.

Sunday was better. I was actually able to eat. I sat around and watched movies all day and had some issues because of metformin.

Monday was not too bad.

Tuesday wasn't so good. I got my period and the cramps plus everything else was horrible.

Wednesday was better. And so was Thursday.

And here we are at Friday almost one whole week into this. I haven't slipped up yet. I am proud of that. Especially because I have cookies and chocolate just sitting in my desk. Constant temptation. The only issue is that today I am going to visit my parents and they want to celebrate my husband's birthday. That wouldn't be and issue normally, but I literally can NOT eat anything they have in their house. I requested cheeseburgers and broccoli because I knew it was something that I was able to eat without an issue and something that they wouldn't complain about having to prepare. I am sure they are going to have a cake or something, and I really want something sweet, but I will not be able to have any of whatever they have. I hope I don't feel too left out. I don't even really have anything to eat when they are all having cake.

But what can you do? I know that there will always be more cake. And I know that saying no now, is saying yes to a future. But it doesn't make it any less frustrating in the now.

My husband has been a real trooper though this whole thing. He is basically sticking to the induction rules as closely as he can when we share meals together. He doesn't need to lose any weight at all, he is doing it to support me. I couldn't ask for a better partner in life.

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